My name is Ryan Janz and I’ve not posted my photo on social media in the fear I’ll be recognized and therefore mobbed by crazed fans. Let’s say I’m walking my dog down Main Street, USA, and the unthinkable occurs:
1. I am breathlessly asked by a passerby to autograph my captivating new novel, The Desperation of Harry, or I’m pretty sure that’s what he said.
2. He doesn’t have a copy, or as he put it, “I’ve never heard of your stupid piece of trash and you frighten me”.
3. I give him one I happen to be carrying in my wheelbarrow.
4. He doesn’t believe I wrote it.
5. I produce my driver’s license for proof, careful to cover my picture so as not to be recognized and therefore mobbed by crazed fans.
6. He threatens to call the police.
7. My dog insists we leave, and I lower my baseball cap because I do not wish to be recognized and…etc.
8. I hear police sirens and while hiding below my basement trapdoor my dog decides to move out.
9. While perusing a book chock full of fun survival techniques, it occurs to me I don’t own a dog.
10. Having read how baked rat can be transformed into a healthy snack while overthrowing the government, a dog howls in the distance, reminding me it’s time once again to collect my wheelbarrow and rejoin my best friend for a pleasant walk down Main Street, USA.
